Courtney's visit

Part of our open adoption agreement was that Courtney got to see Jenna once a year. So she came to St. George this week with her Grandparents, George and Sheila to visit Jenna for her first birthday. It's been three days of visits. We met them for dinner on Monday night. It really did go as well as it could have. It feels like an awkward situation for everyone involved. You can see how much love Courtney has for Jenna but it sometimes felt like she was being cautious either because she didn't want to over step or because she was protecting herself. Jenna is quickly getting the stranger danger thing so she was very hesitant to go to Courtney. It got better as the night went on though.

Yesterday, Jenna's actual birthday, we met them at the park and had a picnic. Courtney got to play with Jenna on the playground and Jenna was a much more comfortable with her. Courtney and George & Sheila each gave Jenna some birthday presents. It was nice that they got to see her unwrap them. I gave Courtney a custom frame with her and Jenna's name on it so that she could put a picture of the two of them in it when they get home.

She wants the camera so bad! It's hard to get a picture of her any more where she isn't pointing at the camera and whining!

Then this morning we joined them for breakfast on their way back out of town. Each meeting with them I am struck with what kind people they are. Just genuine, good, humble folks. Jenna had a good ole time playing with George's ice and sitting with Courtney. It was a bit killer when it was time to say our goodbyes. Everyone but me (how the hell that worked out I don't know, because I am a cry-baby) started crying, including Casey. I was reminded once again, not that I really need a reminder, just how grateful I am every day for the sacrifice that both Courtney AND her family have made in allowing Casey and I to raise Jenna. We just feel so blessed.

A birthmother's love

I don't know if I will ever be able to adequately articulate my awe struck appreciation for what Courtney has allowed Casey and I to have...a family. I thought I would share one of my favorite photos from this experience. It is very dear to me, as is Courtney. Here she is saying good-bye to her daughter...

Uh oh...

While getting ready this morning, Casey and I finally decided on Jenna Rose. I said to Casey that I think she was a Jenna to which he replied, "I was ten seconds away from saying the same thing." Not two minutes later I got a text from Wendy Dallimore that said, "I know it's not any of my business, but I think she is a Jenna Rose." So Casey and I shook hands on it, and we have a name.

We finally got a call around 10 am that it was alright to go back over to the hospital. Jenna (yeah!) was in the nursery again after having spent the night with Courtney. This time Casey and I took her out of the nursery and down the hall to our hospital room. The two social workers, Kristy and Christina, waiting in the family room and Casey and I finally got some alone time with the baby. We each took turns holding her and taking pictures. (The one of Case pretending to be terrified may be one of my all time favorites) We only got about 20 minutes again when Kristy brought some of Courtney's friends in. They wanted to hold her. It turns out that one of the had just had a baby six weeks ago and the other was due in the next couple weeks and they are both choosing to parent. Then we find out that FIVE of her friends are going to be or already had babies within 6 weeks of Courtney and they are all raising them. If she actually pulls the trigger on this adoption she will be the strongest woman alive! After the friends left Christina came in and told us Courtney wanted Jenna back in her room.

So, off we went. Courtney was watching GMC? Is that the country version of MTV? Anyway, in the ten minutes we were in with her she never took her eyes off the screen. I think the reality of this is really starting to hit her. We told her we had decided on Jenna Rose and she kind of seemed less than enthusiastic and told us that was her "ex-best friends" name, Jenna. Adoptions have fallen apart over less. So now we had to figure out if by sticking to our guns on the name, was this fragile thing going to implode? After about 10 minutes of awkward small talk, Courtney's aunt showed up and we went back to our hospital room to give them some privacy. We waited around for an hour until Courtney told Kristy that we should just leave the hospital and come back again tonight. She was feeling pressure knowing we were just down the hall.

So, off we went. Casey and I went to the grocery store for comfort food and then back to hotel. When we showed back up at the hospital at the given time, Courtney was in rough shape. She didn't want to see us, didn't want us to see Jenna, still didn't want to talk about the adoption. Kristy spent about an hour with her and her Grandma trying to get her to remember why she had decided on an adoption plan in the first place. Courtney had decided that even though we had reached the 24 hour mark, she didn't want to sign until she was released from the hospital, which is tomorrow morning. She and Kristy came up with a loose plan for signing the relinquishment papers in the morning and then she sent us all packing. My nerves were beyond frazzled. Having already survived one failed adoption attempt a year prior, this was beginning to feel all to familiar. Christina, Kristy, and Casey were all trying to tell me it was all going to work out and everything would be fine, but I was rapidly loosing hope.

So, off we went. This time Casey and I headed to Vernal since there is ONE restaurant in Roosevelt. Again we went for the comfort food. So there we sat in Cafe Rio discussing whether we needed to pick a different name because of a teenage spat, what we could have done differently, and what fabulous place we were going to go to if this thing goes south. Here's to hoping the other three are right...

This is getting a little real people!

Courtney invited us to Roosevelt to go to her doctors appointment and work out some of the details of the open adoption. Adoption is such a nerve racking process, and as adoptive parents we seem to become invisible. The birth parent is the focal point, which is fine, but the sensation of have no control is the worst (especially for me)! The appointment went well. We were all a little uncomfortable and awkward. It's a surreal situation, knowing that you are going to be raising the child in her...but Court is such an amazing, strong, intelligent, meticulous, shy girl. The doctor barely acknowledged Casey or me and that was our first clue that this is a truly small town and everyone has got Courtney's back and does not much trust outsiders. After hearing the heart beat we headed across the street and got a tour of the hospital. The charge nurse gave us a tour and reminded us not so subtly that Courtney and by extension the nursing staff was running this show. Courtney and her grandparents (who she lives with) knew EVERYONE! Both her grandparents volunteer at the hospital, so when I say everyone, I mean it. It was unreal. After that we went out to eat and settled on some of the outstanding issues. It was so nice having our two social workers there with us. They did a great job mediating it all. We agreed to one visit a year, and that we would communicate through Facebook. So we would create an account for the baby and Courtney would be her only friend. Here's to hoping it works... We also agreed that Courtney would call when she went into labor since it's such a long drive for all of us to get to Roosevelt. We talked about names. I really think she wanted to have more of a say in the name, but her Grandma seemed to reign her in, "It's their child and they can name it whatever they want, right?" We are really vacillating between three names; Courtney Lynne (Courtney we have loved forever but it might be a little weird to name her after the birthmother. Lynne is both of our sister's middle names. Although spelled Lyne and Lynn so we combined them), Jenna Rose (We just like Jenna. And Rose short for Roosevelt. We also found out it is Courtney's Grandma's middle name, so that might be nice.), and Ainsley Kate (We have loved Ainsley ever since there was a character named that on West Wing and Kate after me.) It was a good visit and this thing is starting to feel a little more real! Below is a ultrasound picture that Courtney emailed us, and a picture of the sunset on our drive home from the visit.