Genetics is a funny thing

When I was growing up, my sister Sara used to rub her nose with the corner of her baby blanket. She's always done it for as long as I can remember. After she had Chloe we were driving in the car one day and Chloe started rubbing her nose with her baby blanket. Sara and I were freaking out. Chris didn't believe us at first that she had spontaneously started doing it but she did. And now Jenna has started doing the same thing. You'll have to trust me when I say that I did not and have at no point shown her how to do this. It is not a mimicking behavior. Bottom line is this, I don't care how she got here, she belongs in this family. 

Courtney's visit

Part of our open adoption agreement was that Courtney got to see Jenna once a year. So she came to St. George this week with her Grandparents, George and Sheila to visit Jenna for her first birthday. It's been three days of visits. We met them for dinner on Monday night. It really did go as well as it could have. It feels like an awkward situation for everyone involved. You can see how much love Courtney has for Jenna but it sometimes felt like she was being cautious either because she didn't want to over step or because she was protecting herself. Jenna is quickly getting the stranger danger thing so she was very hesitant to go to Courtney. It got better as the night went on though.

Yesterday, Jenna's actual birthday, we met them at the park and had a picnic. Courtney got to play with Jenna on the playground and Jenna was a much more comfortable with her. Courtney and George & Sheila each gave Jenna some birthday presents. It was nice that they got to see her unwrap them. I gave Courtney a custom frame with her and Jenna's name on it so that she could put a picture of the two of them in it when they get home.

She wants the camera so bad! It's hard to get a picture of her any more where she isn't pointing at the camera and whining!

Then this morning we joined them for breakfast on their way back out of town. Each meeting with them I am struck with what kind people they are. Just genuine, good, humble folks. Jenna had a good ole time playing with George's ice and sitting with Courtney. It was a bit killer when it was time to say our goodbyes. Everyone but me (how the hell that worked out I don't know, because I am a cry-baby) started crying, including Casey. I was reminded once again, not that I really need a reminder, just how grateful I am every day for the sacrifice that both Courtney AND her family have made in allowing Casey and I to raise Jenna. We just feel so blessed.

Adoption Finalization

We finalized the adoption today. It was such an amazing experience. Our judge, The Honorable Eric Ludlow, was so kind. Casey's friend and co-worker Todd Emerson agreed to be our lawyer for the procedures. He was amazing! After we were sworn in, Todd asked us a series of questions, starting with Casey. i.e. full name, age, how long we had been married, (cute Casey was so nervous he totally spaced on what our anniversary is. It was pretty funny.), if we have a good marriage, etc. Casey was so choked up, it was very sweet. Then it was my turn; full name, if I was a minimum of 10 years older then the child we were going to adopt (chivalrously not asking my age), whether she had been in our care since she was born, that we plan to care of her and raise her as if she were our natural child, etc. Then he asked our social worker, Kristy Barlow, of Children's Aid Society, a series of questions; who she works for, what her title is, whether she was licensed, if she had done our home study and found us to be fit parents, if she performed our post placement visits, the child's condition during the post placements, whether Courtney relinquished her rights, etc. Todd then submitted documents into the court records; our petition for adoption, the pre and post adoption evaluations, our background checks, the affidavit of adoption fees, and the finding of fact. The judge then reiterated to both of Casey and I that we understood that we were now 100% responsible for Jenna physically, emotionally, and financially including all rights of inheritance. He then asked me to read into the court records the names of all the fabulous friends and family that were in attendance in the galley. Until this point I had done pretty well at holding it together. But when I turned to see all the faces of love sitting behind us, I gave up the cause for lost. I introduced my mother-in-law Lorrie Madsen, and brother-in-law Matthew Madsen, our dear friends Nick and Liisa Frei, Brett Berry and Stuart Breinholt. The judge then read the Decree of Adoption (at which point, tears really started streaming), and I quote, "The Court, after having heard testimony in the matter of the adoption of Jenna Rose [last name of the birth mother], hereby decrees that Jenna shall be the lawful child of Petitioners Maclyn and Kate Malan Madsen, and that said child's name be legally changed to Jenna Rose Malan Madsen." signed The Honorable Eric A. Ludlow. My whole being was emitting love and awe. It was a moment I will never forget, and I was so grateful to have such loving people surrounding us to share it with us.

A birthmother's love

I don't know if I will ever be able to adequately articulate my awe struck appreciation for what Courtney has allowed Casey and I to have...a family. I thought I would share one of my favorite photos from this experience. It is very dear to me, as is Courtney. Here she is saying good-bye to her daughter...

YEAH, We're parents! Now get us out of here...

We got a call late last night from Christina and Kristy telling us that they found out from the nurses that Courtney would be getting released from the hospital the next morning. Courtney's doctor would be coming early to discharge her and the pediatrician would be coming around eight to clear Jenna. Courtney asked if she could have a little time with Jenna before she signed. So it was back to a waiting game. Only time would tell...not much sleeping going on last night!

The next morning while we were waiting to hear from Christina and Kristy as to whether or not Courtney signed we went to the grocery store to find a little something to eat. As we were leaving the store I went to check the time on my phone and realized that I had received a text five minutes earlier but never felt the phone vibrate...it was from Christina and read, "Congratulations you're parents." There aren't words to describe the flood of emotions. I am sure they are similar to biological parents, but slightly tweaked. Having only found out about this potential parenthood six weeks ago we have had a lot less prep time. Plus I had to keep my hopes and expectations in check because there was just as much a chance of Courtney changing her mind, so there was a great deal of shock that this has finally happened...10 years, 8 artificial insemination's, 1 in-vitro fertilization, and 1 failed adoption. Christina called and told us we could come over to the hospital. Courtney didn't want to see us and wanted to leave the hospital before we did but wanted us to bring the dress Jenna was going home so she could change her clothes and keep the ones Jenna was currently wearing. So we headed over. Courtney's Grandpa happened to be volunteering that day and greeted us as we walked in. What do you say? How do you ever express your gratitude for his granddaughter's and his sacrifice? It's still a bit overwhelming for me. While Courtney was changing Jenna we signed the paperwork on our end. After that we were free to go. It was a bit anti-climatic, we were expecting some instruction of some sort from the hospital, but they were like here you go, good luck! They gave us a bunch of formula samples and diapers, made sure the car seat was installed correctly, and sent us on our way. At that point, we were so relieved it was all we could do not to speed out of that town! WE ARE PARENTS!!!

Uh oh...

While getting ready this morning, Casey and I finally decided on Jenna Rose. I said to Casey that I think she was a Jenna to which he replied, "I was ten seconds away from saying the same thing." Not two minutes later I got a text from Wendy Dallimore that said, "I know it's not any of my business, but I think she is a Jenna Rose." So Casey and I shook hands on it, and we have a name.

We finally got a call around 10 am that it was alright to go back over to the hospital. Jenna (yeah!) was in the nursery again after having spent the night with Courtney. This time Casey and I took her out of the nursery and down the hall to our hospital room. The two social workers, Kristy and Christina, waiting in the family room and Casey and I finally got some alone time with the baby. We each took turns holding her and taking pictures. (The one of Case pretending to be terrified may be one of my all time favorites) We only got about 20 minutes again when Kristy brought some of Courtney's friends in. They wanted to hold her. It turns out that one of the had just had a baby six weeks ago and the other was due in the next couple weeks and they are both choosing to parent. Then we find out that FIVE of her friends are going to be or already had babies within 6 weeks of Courtney and they are all raising them. If she actually pulls the trigger on this adoption she will be the strongest woman alive! After the friends left Christina came in and told us Courtney wanted Jenna back in her room.

So, off we went. Courtney was watching GMC? Is that the country version of MTV? Anyway, in the ten minutes we were in with her she never took her eyes off the screen. I think the reality of this is really starting to hit her. We told her we had decided on Jenna Rose and she kind of seemed less than enthusiastic and told us that was her "ex-best friends" name, Jenna. Adoptions have fallen apart over less. So now we had to figure out if by sticking to our guns on the name, was this fragile thing going to implode? After about 10 minutes of awkward small talk, Courtney's aunt showed up and we went back to our hospital room to give them some privacy. We waited around for an hour until Courtney told Kristy that we should just leave the hospital and come back again tonight. She was feeling pressure knowing we were just down the hall.

So, off we went. Casey and I went to the grocery store for comfort food and then back to hotel. When we showed back up at the hospital at the given time, Courtney was in rough shape. She didn't want to see us, didn't want us to see Jenna, still didn't want to talk about the adoption. Kristy spent about an hour with her and her Grandma trying to get her to remember why she had decided on an adoption plan in the first place. Courtney had decided that even though we had reached the 24 hour mark, she didn't want to sign until she was released from the hospital, which is tomorrow morning. She and Kristy came up with a loose plan for signing the relinquishment papers in the morning and then she sent us all packing. My nerves were beyond frazzled. Having already survived one failed adoption attempt a year prior, this was beginning to feel all to familiar. Christina, Kristy, and Casey were all trying to tell me it was all going to work out and everything would be fine, but I was rapidly loosing hope.

So, off we went. This time Casey and I headed to Vernal since there is ONE restaurant in Roosevelt. Again we went for the comfort food. So there we sat in Cafe Rio discussing whether we needed to pick a different name because of a teenage spat, what we could have done differently, and what fabulous place we were going to go to if this thing goes south. Here's to hoping the other three are right...

Bath time

We left our camera with the nurses at the hospital so they could take pictures of the little one's bath.

"Our" little girl is here...hopefully we get to keep her...

I got a call this morning around eleven from Kristy Barlow at Children's Aid Society, the adoption agency we are working with, telling me that Courtney was in labor. She had a doctors appointment this morning and they sent her right over to the hospital. Gratefully, I had just finished filling up the the tank and washing the car so that was two less things we had to take care of before we could leave. I called Casey and he finished up some stuff at work and then headed home where I was just finishing packing and we hit the road to head to Roosevelt. It felt like the longest drive of my life! We finally got there around 730 pm and got a call again from Kristy as we were pulling into the hotel telling us that Courtney had had the baby at 7:32 pm. She weighed 6 lbs 8 oz and is 19 in. Kristy told us to check in and wait for the all-clear call to head over to the hospital. We were able to go over and meet the little one about an hour later. The nurses were so great! After that tour the trip before I was extremely nervous about how we were going to be treated. But they were very welcoming. Courtney had give permission for me to have a wrist band allowing me to go into the nursery at any time and take her out. And they gave Casey a security card to get us into the labor and delivery section. They also gave us our own hospital room for us to hang in, or take the baby to for one on one time, or spend the night in if we so chose to. We were greeted by Courtney's grandparents and uncle upon our arrival at the hospital. They had taken the babe into the nursery to check her vitals while the doctor was still in with Courtney. The nurses invited us into the nursery to see her. The very first thing Casey and I noticed were how long her toes and legs were. We were trying to guess how tall she would be and what sports she might play. We were able to be in there with her while they gave her the HepB vaccine. There was a great nurse in the nursery that let us use his stethoscope to listen to her heart beat with. We got about 20 minutes with her and then we were told that Courtney wanted her back in her room. We joined Courtney along with her mom for a little while. We gave Courtney a really nummy (yeah, it's a word) robe to wear in the hospital. After a little bit though it got uncomfortable so we let them have their space and headed back to the hotel. She did tell us she was hoping we would name the baby Courtney Rose...not so sure about that one. Courtney told Kristy that she would let her know when it was OK for us to head back over in the morning. Courtney cannot sign the relinquishment papers until at least 24 hours after the baby was born and I don't think she has decided what she wants to do as far as when she wants to sign, or how the hand off is going to work. Let the limbo and waiting begin...

This is getting a little real people!

Courtney invited us to Roosevelt to go to her doctors appointment and work out some of the details of the open adoption. Adoption is such a nerve racking process, and as adoptive parents we seem to become invisible. The birth parent is the focal point, which is fine, but the sensation of have no control is the worst (especially for me)! The appointment went well. We were all a little uncomfortable and awkward. It's a surreal situation, knowing that you are going to be raising the child in her...but Court is such an amazing, strong, intelligent, meticulous, shy girl. The doctor barely acknowledged Casey or me and that was our first clue that this is a truly small town and everyone has got Courtney's back and does not much trust outsiders. After hearing the heart beat we headed across the street and got a tour of the hospital. The charge nurse gave us a tour and reminded us not so subtly that Courtney and by extension the nursing staff was running this show. Courtney and her grandparents (who she lives with) knew EVERYONE! Both her grandparents volunteer at the hospital, so when I say everyone, I mean it. It was unreal. After that we went out to eat and settled on some of the outstanding issues. It was so nice having our two social workers there with us. They did a great job mediating it all. We agreed to one visit a year, and that we would communicate through Facebook. So we would create an account for the baby and Courtney would be her only friend. Here's to hoping it works... We also agreed that Courtney would call when she went into labor since it's such a long drive for all of us to get to Roosevelt. We talked about names. I really think she wanted to have more of a say in the name, but her Grandma seemed to reign her in, "It's their child and they can name it whatever they want, right?" We are really vacillating between three names; Courtney Lynne (Courtney we have loved forever but it might be a little weird to name her after the birthmother. Lynne is both of our sister's middle names. Although spelled Lyne and Lynn so we combined them), Jenna Rose (We just like Jenna. And Rose short for Roosevelt. We also found out it is Courtney's Grandma's middle name, so that might be nice.), and Ainsley Kate (We have loved Ainsley ever since there was a character named that on West Wing and Kate after me.) It was a good visit and this thing is starting to feel a little more real! Below is a ultrasound picture that Courtney emailed us, and a picture of the sunset on our drive home from the visit.

Ni hao...China!!!

September 18-30, 2009

Casey and I joined our dear friends Joe and Wendy Dallimore along with Wendy's mother, Kathleen, who were traveling to China to pick up the newest addition to their darling family, Phoebe Josephine Dallimore. It was a long time in coming and we couldn't have been more honored to support them in China. Casey could only join us for a couple of days, but we made the most of the time we had. We didn't get a whole lot of time in the major cities and didn't see a lot of the typical tourist stuff, but what we did see was beautiful. It is a gorgeous country with kind hearted people. We traveled to Guangzhou, Wenzhou, and Hangzhou. Phoebe is an amazing, stunning girl and we are so happy to have her join the Dallimore family!

Other than filling out paperwork at every government office in China, we mostly...shopped. Let's be honest, it's what I do best.

The pearl factory was AMAZING. Store after store of pearls, bracelets, beads, turquoise, etc.

The must have potty shot. I think I have one from 3 different continents now.

Some of my favorite things in China were the signs. i.e. Please don't bring your suitcase bombs on the subway (good to know. I was going to bring mine and then saw the sign), how many of you have seen Mexican in Chinese?, and "Unwind yourself now"...I think it got a little lost in translation.

And my personal favorite..."The child amuses the area."

I am NOT a fan of Asian cuisine...so I came prepared with a suitcase full of food.

I really did attempt to be adventurous with my food...see I tried rice and dragon fruit.

I did not however try the disgusting flavored chips, stinky-ass fish, or salted pig legs...I have to draw the line somewhere.

The jade sculptures there were unreal!

We all tried to dress in red, white and blue for the citizenship swearing in ceremony at the US Consulate in Hangzhou. Kathleen and I were roommates for the trip and had a such a great time together! She is an wonderful person and I was so glad to get to know her a little better.

On our way to Hong Kong: 9 suitcases + 1 toddler + 1 stroller and only 4 adults = stressful craziness

We didn't get much time in Hong Kong. We just needed to get over there because that is where we needed to fly out of. However, Hong Kong was the highlight of MY trip because it is where I found out that the birthmother we had been meeting with had chosen us to adopt her little girl!!! My darling husband informed me over the phone after a 20 minute conversation about flight availability with a "Oh by the way, Courtney chose us." Click! That's right...he hung up on me. After some foul language I called him back and had a cry-fest. God bless the Airport Marriott in Hong Kong, you will always hold a special place in my heart.

The best part...A new family united!